Trent Whacked in Head with Tennis Racket

The sad part is it was self-inflicted. To say my back-hand needs improvement is like saying the Mojave Desert could use a little moisture. I have no back-hand. A hand with a back, yes, but backhand, not so much.

Why did I even swing? I was racing after a ball that was way out of bounds anyhow. Maybe a better question is HOW did I swing? How did I manage to miss the ball completely but nail my forehead? I can assure you that grace was not involved. The idea, as I ran full-speed away from the net, was to give a hefty enough flick backwards to return the ball from far out of bounds, just to keep the volley going. So I hefted and I flicked, but ball I hit not. Forehead though, I hit squarely. (As my hairline recedes and my forehead expands, when do I drop the "fore" and just say "head"?)

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Why am I admitting all this? Because the bump on my head is pronounced enough to be potentially distracting on stage tomorrow and people are bound to ask what happened. Best get the humiliation started early to end early. Yeah right. Perhaps this is penance for the fun I poke at Pinkie. Ah well, it's a small price to pay.

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The Pinkie Chronicles: Pinkie Gets Whipped

As I made my way towards the corrider backstage for my second entrance tonight I heard the unmistakable sounds of sophomoric male rough-housing: someone groaning in pain and someone else laughing and ooooh-ing in sympathy. The pain was from Pinkie. What was he up to now?

A few more steps forward into the corridor and there he was, moaning yet laughing as he grasped his right forearm in agony intense enough he couldn't speak. Brock looked on from a couple feet away, chuckling at some spectacle he'd clearly just witnessed.

I looked further up the corridor and saw Brannon, our newest cowboy, a quiet, respectful, young man, a talented roper, and an excellent horseman, standing there with a big grin and holding the handle end of a 6 foot bullwhip. Brannon cracked the whip. I filled in the "what" from there and decided the "why" didn't really matter - it's just Pinkie.

The Pinkie Chronicles: Not the Chicken...!

The Cattle Trail scene unfolded as usual up to the chicken shooting scene. Beli shot the first chicken and Pete grabbed it. The next line is usually, "That's too small, we need another chicken" but Brice said instead, "Pete's got a chicken, I want one too" so Beli shot another. Instead of calling for a third chicken, which leads to the musicians entering, Brice said, "Well, we each got our chickens. Let's eat! Come on, boys!"

Continuing further at this point would have meant jumping the scene forward several minutes and not allowing the musicians to enter, so the team was stuck for a few seconds, the guys making their way for the cooking pot.

Then Pinkie stepped in, shouting loud enough I could hear him off stage through the other microphones "I want a cheeckin too! I'm hungry!"

So Beli shot the large, roasted chicken to the ground. Pinkie leaped on it, a fun and innocent choice had it not been Pinkie, and Brice on the microphone.

Brice said, "Not here, Pinkie! This is Disneyland!"

And the scene continued..

Video: Auguste Love Burro Longtime

Several years ago Cacahuete (Peanut), a burro in Buffalo Bill's Wild West Show, Disney Village, Disneyland Paris Resort, whose sole job is to serve as character Auguste Durand Rouel's mount during his second entrance, was a "whole man". Cacahuete spent (and spends) much of his life in his own private stall backstage, alone, his breeding instinct consequently frustrated. On several occasions Cacahuete's need for love has challenged the PG rating of Buffalo Bill's Wild West Show, but none more so than at the moment shown in the video featured here, which accidentally verges on taboo by western society's standards, all in front of an unsuspecting Disney audience.

The actor playing Auguste is Didier Courquet. I was performing in the Blue Moon ranch when this happened, very near the angle from which this video was taken. Shawn Hogue, who was playing Sitting Bull on the day, told me that after Cacahuete was pulled off Didier he ran upstage in front of the judges stand, stopped, turned towards the audience, and let out a loud BRAAAYYY! A few weeks later Cacahuete received an operation to remove those parts of his anatomy responsible for his amorous behavior, although a photo of Didier framed within a hand-drawn heart, complete with cupid's arrow, remained in Cacahuete's stall for years.

If somebody knows who took this video, I'd be happy to give credit. Be sure to SUBSCRIBE to The Casual Reporter so you don't miss any of the fun!

Joke of the Day: Hard of Hearing Golfers

One concern linked with hiring performers on open-ended contracts in a show with no end date is what to do with the cast as they age. What if the show runs for several more decades? Not all of us will be able to perform at our optimum capacity until age 65, nor would most of us probably want to. The Casual Reporter offers no concrete solutions, but recently stumbled upon a means of predicting snippets of the future of some of the members of our cast. Here is one revelation just revealed. I found it rather startling.

Shawn Hogue, Kave Dust, and Richard Lovelace, retired now and each with hearing loss, are playing golf one fine March day. Shawn remarks to Kave, "Windy, isn't it?"

"No," Kave replies, "it's Thursday."

Richard chimes in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."

The Casual Reporter Glossary

The Casual Reporter Glossary is meant to provide some of the definitions, some of the time, for articles presented herein.

Brushed up: Come out of the thick brush, probably after you.

Swamp Brammers: A local name for mean Brahman or Brahman-cross breed of cattle that live in the swamps of Arkansas. Cattle Today lists many breeds.. guess for yourself!

Steve Rally Cast in Charlie Valentine

Steve Rally played supporting roles in Buffalo Bill's Wild West Show, Disney Village, part of the Disneyland Paris Resort complex, before being cast as Buffalo Bill on and off for several years. For the past couple years he's been playing the role of Sebastian the Black in Pirate's Dinner Adventure in Southern California. Here's a video excerpt posted by Steve:



Here's a video Steve posted of himself as Buffalo Bill:



And finally, the skeleton that haunts Steve's closet, the video he might have been able to distance himself from until YouTube came along, and my favorite video of his, dating back to the 80's when he was a Playgirl model. Not just a Playgirl model, THE Playgirl model: Man of the Year, Man of the Decade and Man of the Millenium. Steve didn't load this one up to YouTube but it's possibly his most enduring work and truly entertaining. WARNING: THIS VIDEO MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR MINORS.



I had the pleasure of getting to know Steve better on his last visit to the Wild West Show. Don't let his shameless self-promotion fool you - he's really a nice, humble guy just trying to make a living in show business. His enthusiasm, passion, and perseverance are to be admired by all. He's a "can-do" kind of guy that just keeps driving his career forward with relentless and dogged determination. Recently Steve announced that he was cast in a Tom Berenger film. Judging from Steve's IMDB pages, I assume the film is Charlie Valentine to be released in 2009. Hats off (Cowboy and Pirate) to Steve for keeping it going.

The Pinkie Chronicles - "Run Pinkie, Run!"

Red River already had a flag. Apparently Pinkie, a Gold Star cowboy that night, thought he'd take action to prevent them from winning another. As Scott, the Red River cowboy, raced around the arena for the final lap of the Pony Express Race, Pinkie grabbed the mail box and ran it downstage between Blue Moon and Green Mountain. Scott dismounted and ran towards the mailbox. It was way downstage, which may have influenced his decision to make Pinkie pay. He gunned for Pinkie. Pinkie ducked and ran upstage towards the judges stand, counting on his teammates to help him. They didn't. Chad joined Scott and Pinkie new he was beaten. Pinkie braced for the inevitable as Chad and Scott dogpiled him and shoved arena sand that hasn't been changed for several years down his pants and shirt.

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The Pinkie Chronicles - "Burnt Frozen Roast"

The following story is true but may contain inaccuracies.

In the middle of the night, Scott awoke to a loud banging noise and went downstairs to investigate. Through a haze of smoke, Scott found Pinkie in the kitchen in his ski coat, excessively intoxicated, stabbing a large frozen roast with a butter knife as the roast sizzled on high in a frying pan. Hot oil from the frying pan splattered across the other three burners which were also glowing on high for reasons unknown. Pinkie's coat sleeve hovered only inches from the burners, his concentration focused on the difficult task of remaining standing, staying conscious, and stabbing a frozen, burning roast with a butter knife. Scott turned off the three elements that threatened to start Pinkie on fire and went back to bed.

The next morning Scott found Pinkie sprawled across the couch, still in his ski coat. The roast, still raw except for one charred side, lay on the coffee table, some of the charred meat picked away.

God bless Pinkie.

I want to create "The Pinkie Coat": well-insulated, reflective in headlights, fireproof, padded for safety, convertible into a sleeping bag, embedded with a homing device, with one pocket designed to hold beverages and another to use as an ashtray. Useful not just for drunken nights out but also as a shelter for homeless people.

The Casual Reporter encourages responsible living. Please don't drink and drive. And maybe think twice about cooking while intoxicated.